Seriously, I hadn't seen a whisker of these damn fish since last year, and I became consumed by guilt, convinced I was a terrible fish-keeper, and that my fish would rather be cannibalised that live in my tank. And then when I was away recently, chaostheorytexted me to tell me she'd found an extra fish in the tank and didn't know what it was. After some consideration, we decided it had to be one of the missing catfish, since everyone else was accounted for. Yay! But when I got home, I couldn't find him. Not a trace.

It's okay. I went on with my life. I mean, I only nourish and clean and feed those fish and shower them with love and fish flakes and bloodworm every damn day. Why shouldn't the mysterious upside down catish reveal himself only to my housemate, and not his loving mother owner?

But now... Now, I have seen it. I have proof that the sneaky little bastard has just be hiding from me all this time! The other night, for reasons unimportant here, my boyfriend was chopping up some bed slats with his axe and I was helping by staying well out of the way and watching the fish. And, lo and behold, there he was! The upside down catfish! Slithering up and down the side of the tank like he owned the place. And man, he has gotten big. Bigger than my other, older catfish. Big enough that I suspect he may have eaten the other upside down catfish, who is still unaccounted for.

Now, I know this isn't an interesting story to anyone else. But my God, I was so excited to see him! I adore catfish, and I was really upset when these two disappeared from sight last year. But now I've tracked one of them down and discovered his hiding place (a log, as it happens), I'm obsessed with spying on him. I spring out of bed in the dead of night, switch on my lamp ,and yell "AHA!" in the hope that he'll be out and I can scrutinise him further. If he had a phone, I'd check his texts. I'm that sad.